Smooth things guys say

It was the early 70s, I was Director of Display and traveling window trimmer for a wildly successful chain of hippie boutiques, with 36 stores across the Southeast. Think Rhoda Morgenstern, from the Mary Tyler Moore Show, only in bell bottoms and on wheels.

It was the 4th of July and I’d arrived late to a friend’s pool party. Eli was a handsome big shot Guru, with long blonde hair, smoldering eyes and a long gauzy white robe. Buzz had it that he’d just arrived from a “vision quest” in India. I watched him suggestively fingering the tangle of turquoise talismans around his neck as he lured the bikini-clad troops toward himself like a snake charmer.

{Eli looked like this guy without the pierced nose.}

Eli was soon mobbed by all the impressionable females seeking “enlightenment.” I was not among them… I knew his type. So of course, I was the one who caught his eye. He extricated himself from his adoring fans, motioned for them to stay, and followed me into the kitchen. He immediately tried some smooth lines that fell on the floor, dead.

I rolled my eyes a bit so he would take the hint. I thought it was in self-defense when he slithered around behind me.

“Ahhh… It’s you.” He sounded surprised. “I was told I would meet you here today. But you’re not for me… you have the Big Dipper on your back.”

“What?!” I’d never heard a pick-up line like that before.

“Here. Let me show you.” He pulled a Sharpie off the whiteboard on the fridge and I could feel him drawing a line on my bare back. (Pool party, remember? I was in a bikini.)

“Stop that! What are you doing?”

“Connecting the dots. There now.”

“Dots?” I whirled to face him.

“The freckles on your back… make… the… Big… Dipper.” Suddenly, those smoldering eyes went blank and took on a faraway gaze. His voice sounded like he was in a trance.

“In the not-too-distant future you will meet a sleeping suit whose first words to you will be, ‘Do you have the Big Dipper on your back?’ HE is the one for you.”

“Yeah, right. Thanks,” I was not impressed with this lame attempt to impress me with his fortune telling. So I left him in the kitchen, looking at something far far away… and thought nothing more about him.

About 14 months later, I had the weekend off and drove to nearby Atlanta where I often went to book freelance display jobs at Trade Shows. This particular weekend a huge Boutique Trade Show was attracting zillions of people from all over the world. Most of them were young, male, and in those liberal times, most were looking for sex, drugs and rock’n roll.

By the third day I was fed up with all the bozos offering me the drug of my choice for a roll in the hay or a kneeling visit to a broom closet. Not interested. They did not know me at all. Me? I was shopping for sales.

As an insider, I knew that by Sunday when the show was closing, most of the vendors would be selling off their inventory or giving it away because it was so expensive to ship back home. I’d already found a few places eager to help me out, jeans, long denim duster, knee high boots, and a brand new hot item called a string bikini. Now all I needed were some far-out sunglasses.

I angled over to a sunglass booth. The salesman slid up next to me and began his spiel, “Hey, babe. You’re looking good. Do you…”

“Don’t talk,” I said. “You don’t have a chance.”

“I know,” his smile drooped, “but I thought it was worth a try. Sorry.” Then his face brightened as he said, “Hey. Let me introduce you the president of the company.” And he pointed to the back of the booth.

Back in the shadows, in the corner, a guy was sitting in a chair. He was wearing an expensive suit, and was fast asleep with his head against the wall of the booth.

As if he felt my eyes on him, he jumped up and was at my side, wide awake, in less than a second. He gave me a long searching look, that ended at my eyes and somehow didn’t grate on my nerves.

“Do you have the Big Dipper on your back?” he asked.

I froze. That weird encounter with Eli rushed into my head. It was like I heard his voice again, only this time instead of a joke, it sounded like a prophecy:

“In the not-to-distant future you will meet a sleeping suit. His first words to you will be: ‘Do you have the Big Dipper on your back?’ HE is the one for you.“

I swam back from my memories, dizzy, and was finally able to squeak out, “What did you say?!”

“I said: ‘I recently produced and directed an infomercial in the Caribbean. Would you like to come to my sales meeting around 6:00 and see it?’ ”

“That is NOT what you said.”

“No?” his bright blue eyes sparkled. “What did I say?”

“You asked me: ‘Do you have the Big Dipper on your back?’ “

“Well… do you?” he flashed me a big smile with one cute, slightly crooked tooth on the bottom.

“YES! That’s exactly the point. I DO have the Big Dipper on my back.”

“Well, then…” he smiled again. “You must be the one for me.”

And my hard heart melted.

And you know what? That was just the beginning of 44 years of magic and wonder and adventure all over the globe.

We will be having our 42nd wedding anniversary July 2020. You’re all invited.



  1. Reply

    Fully entertained

  2. Reply


  3. Reply

    Interesting 😂 also “I will buy the wolf world for you” ladies beware it a big lie

  4. Reply

    this is a good post. nice

  5. Reply

    Wow nice

  6. Reply

    That’s good

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  10. Reply

    Very interesting

  11. Reply

    Great article

  12. Profile photo ofItz Kvng Twitch


    Very interesting

  13. Reply

    Very accurate

  14. Profile photo ofChukwucee


    Resourceful information

  15. Reply

    Good post

  16. Profile photo ofSIRMUSTY



  17. Profile photo ofKreator


    nice article

  18. Reply

    Good post

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  21. Reply

    Good sharing

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  24. Reply

    Good post

  25. Reply

    So true

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  28. Reply

    Very good
    Thanks for sharing

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