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4 Methods To STOP Your Spouse From Criticizing And Nagging You

4 Methods To STOP Your Spouse From Criticizing And Nagging You

Do you love your spouse but really hate the complaints and nagging from them?

Your partner might be a flat-out bully who says and does things that make you feel bad, wrong or inept. Or, your spouse might more subtly pick at you. The criticism may be said in a “sweet” or soft voice, but the sting still hurts.

When living with a critical or nagging partner], you might frequently feel defensive and lash back. Instead, your reaction when you feel attacked could be to withdraw into yourself.

There are many things you do in response to your partner’s criticisms. Some of these reactions strain your relationship even more.

For example, when your spouse complaints about how to manage money, you respond with passive-aggressive behaviors like hiding your spending or purposely overspending. This could be an unconscious or unintended reaction, by the way.

You might criticize and push back. For instance, if your mate puts down the way you parent your kids, your reaction may be to look for weaknesses in your spouse’s parenting and point that out.

In the short term, some of these reactions feel rewarding and comfortable. However, then lasting effects on your marriage are never positive.

Want to know some effective and positive ways to deal with your partner’s nagging and complaints? Here are 4 ways to deal with your husband’s or wife’s nagging and criticizing:

  1. Put your partner’s comments in perspective.

Sometimes, an off-handed comment feels like a nag or a criticism when it’s actually not. If your spouse has a history of putting you down, you might be reading more into a particular comment than is really there.

This can be tricky to figure out. Remember to pause and get curious when you feel triggered.

Instead of having your usual reaction to what your partner has said or done, back it up. Ask yourself if you absolutely know it’s true that your partner meant that you are somehow doing it wrong, are bad, incapable or whatever it is you think he or she was saying.

Ask yourself if it’s possible that your partner did not mean anything negative or critical with the comment.

If you are confused about what your partner meant, ask the question, “Would you please help me understand why you said _____.” Asking for more information from your partner needs to be done with a true sense of wanting to understand and without an accusatory tone to the voice.

  1. Don’t take it personally.

There are all kinds of reasons why a person might be prickly and critical. In the vast majority of cases, the criticism has more to do with the one saying it and less to do with the one the criticism seems directed toward.

If at all possible, don’t take it personally.

We’re not suggesting that you allow yourself to be bullied. At the same time, if you can find a way to see the complaint or nagging for what it is, this can free you up to connect and have the relationship you want.

For example, if you know that your partner is under a lot of strain from work, this can help you not to take a criticism personally. If you are aware that your spouse has been feeling down or depressed lately, take this information into consideration.

Again, we’re not saying that it’s ever okay for you to be verbally abused. But, there are many times when refusing to take your partner’s picking personally can be the key to changing this bad relationship habit.

  1. Really listen to what your partner’s saying.

What’s going to make a positive difference when dealing with your partner’s criticisms is to NOT join in with the negativity. Soothe yourself so that you don’t go along with your mate to a place of irritation, resentment, and anger.

The calmer and clearer you are, the easier it will be for you to really listen to your mate.

When you really listen to the need that’s being expressed (and that may be hidden in nagging or criticism), you can speak to that need and not to the criticism.

For example, your partner might seem to constantly nag about helping around the house and says things like, “It’s up to me to keep this place clean because you never help…”

You could really listen to his or her need for not only a cleaner house, but also help in keeping things picked up and tidy.

Your response could be a question like, “In what specific ways would you like me to help keep the house clean?”

Be willing to really listen to what your partner says. There might be some truth in the criticism that you don’t do your share in keeping the house clean.

Be responsible for your own habits and make sincere apologies when appropriate. This can also defuse a criticism and shift you both toward finding a resolution instead of keeping you stuck in conflict.

  1. Create agreements, not disagreements.

The more you can move beyond feeling like it’s your partner vs. you, the more easily you can stop the picking and complaints.

Create agreements with your partner that will address both of your needs about the situation. You can also create agreements about how will you communicate with one another.

Be sure that you are creating agreements together instead of merely imposing your idea and not really getting a full agreement.

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36 Comments

  1. Reply

    Very good post

  2. Reply

    It doesn’t work with everyone tho

  3. Reply

    ##good#

  4. Profile photo ofItz Kvng Twitch

    Reply

    Very interesting

  5. Reply

    Impressive

  6. Reply

    Good article

  7. Reply

    This method isn’t for everyone oo

  8. Reply

    Amazing

  9. Reply

    Nice update

  10. Reply

    Dope piece

  11. Reply

    I hope it works

  12. Reply

    Nice info

  13. Profile photo ofKreator

    Reply

    Nice Piece

  14. Reply

    This is really good to know

  15. Reply

    Educative

  16. Profile photo ofChukwucee

    Reply

    Highly Educative

  17. Reply

    Very good

  18. Reply

    Wonderful

  19. Reply

    Thanks for this update

  20. Reply

    God bless you for the time you brought out to share this with us

  21. Reply

    It’s a very helpful advise for everyone especially for couples

  22. Reply

    Thanks for update

  23. Reply

    Wow

  24. Reply

    Critics are ways one improves and tries to do better. But nagging can be really agitating. I can’t deal with a nagging spouse

  25. Reply

    Very impressive

  26. Reply

    Cool

  27. Reply

    God bless you for the time you brought out to share this with us

  28. Profile photo ofOlatunbosun

    Reply

    Good

  29. Reply

    So nice,I will test it

  30. Reply

    Wonderful

  31. Reply

    Nice

  32. Reply

    Very interesting

  33. Reply

    Wow..amazing

  34. Reply

    Good sharing

  35. Reply

    Nice

  36. Reply

    Nice

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